Kill Your Lovers
I’m asleep. I’m awake. I’m asleep. I’m awake. My sleep pattern is often obscure and interrupted. I am no robot. My thoughts are exaggerated and uninviting. I take control. I lose control. I create control, I lose control. I am broken, I am divided. My thoughts are flailing and drowning. I often feel trapped inside my own body, unable to express my true self. Paranoia spreads. My body is in the wrong moment. I wonder what it would be like to lie across the sidewalk during midday rush. Motionless and soundless. Just a cold body lying limp across the pavement barely disrupting the autonomous path of the pedestrian. I envision this feeling to be much like a human heart.
These wildly peculiar thoughts haunt me throughout my day but my urge to be in control keeps me in constant limbo. This is where I divide myself from my self. I’m not sure where the cycle begins, but my work integrates aspects of my private dream world into the everyday world in an attempt to reunite my divided self. It is a routine that keeps me free from my own judgment and free from the dull crutches of everyday living. I no longer feel dark and dying and useless. It’s what keeps me alive.
© Jax Deluca